OMG…Pork Chops anyone?

So, this passed Thursday as we were sitting down eating dinner, Dave and I are trying to hear each others words over the loud screams coming from the little man throwing his food on the floor.  Dave was in the middle of cracking a joke then it happened…I choked!!! 

Now, I don’t mean I choked like when you choke a little bit but are able to cough it up or swallow it down with some water, I mean I was full blown choking.  I couldn’t breathe in or out and couldn’t even make a sound to get Dave’s attention.  So in the midst of my brain screaming “PANIC” I did the only thing I could think of I started smacking the table as hard as I could, like a monkey getting ready to attack. 

I was already on my feet and getting in the Heimlich position, when Dave finally looks up from his plate to find out what was wrong with me.  As he runs over to me, he gets behind me and all I can think is “He better save me, I gonna be so pissed if he f*#^s this up”!  So there we are, Dave has his arms around me, me getting ready to get mad at him if he doesn’t save me and waiting for him to start and that’s then he asks “are you ready?”…

Seriously, seriously how the hell does he think I’m going to answer him?  He can’t see my face, I can’t breathe let alone talk and that’s when it hit me “this is it, I’m gonna die…choking on pork chops”.  As I was determined to see another day, I did the only thing I could think of.  I started to go into convulsions, shaking my whole body as hard as I could, hoping that would be enough to give Dave the okay he needed to start.  He did and he must be stronger then I thought, because with one hard pump all the air in my lungs came out of me hard enough to make that piece of pork chop, along with everything else in my stomach, come flying out.  He also squeezed a little pee out of me!  As I take a deep breath in and ran to the kitchen sink to finish my little throw up session and came to the realization that I just pee’d my pants, I hear Dave saying “I am NOT cleaning that up”!

When I was done hanging my head over the sink, I look over at Dave feeling so embarrassed for choking and throwing up all over the place, the only words I can udder were “I pee’d my pants”.  Then I make a bee line for the stair to go clean up.  Then I came down stairs to join my family for the rest of dinner, Dave had cleaned up my puke and he and Sebastian were sitting at the dinner table.  Dave, not quite sure what to say, just looked at me.  I walked over to him, lent down, kissed him and said “well as least you’ll never gonna live a dull day being married to me” and we couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the night.